Feline Escapades of the Autocats
by Dragowolf
Summary: The Autobots have a litter of kittens, now they have to learn how to take care of them. Should be fun.
1. Chapter 1

Inspired by the MariaShadow's Twostrokes!! Read her fic it is really cute!! And written with help and inspiration from elevnarchress, give thanks to her… cause without her there would be no squeal! Or title….

By the way, this is loosely based on Vaeru's format from "On the Care and Feeding of humans", so give her a round of applause.

Just to let you know this whole thing has no plot… or if it does… it is hiding itself really really well so just enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers

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**Feline Escapades of the Autocats – Getting know you, getting to like me**

The newest members of the Autobots were very unusual. First, they were the tiniest recruits anyone had ever seen, second, they were organic, and third, they were named after Autobots.

One of the first things that happened was that the kittens like Blue, Flight, and Sandy all began to be called Blue kitty, Flight kitty, and Sandy kitty. With this addition there was less confusion of who one was talking about.

Prowler was the only kitten that was named after an Autobot that didn't get the kitten added onto their name. Mostly because no one called Prowl 'Prowler' except Jazz, and maybe Springer, so there was little confusion there.

But figuring out what each of the felines was to be called was not enough. Many of the Autobots disliked or down right hated the fact that cats were in the Ark and would be calling at all hours of the day for Bluestreak and Flight to come and get them.

Though this didn't last long; with Twostroke leading the way, the kittens set out to get each of the Autobots to accept and like them. And they had quite a bit of success, too… though in some cases they settled for the bots just tolerating them.

Amazingly, the kittens seemed to have a strategy about this. Certain cats would go to certain groups to get attention, food, or pettings. And it seemed that after each victory, the victorious cat would return to Prowler and meow. Jazz joked that this was their way of reporting in on a successful mission and after a while there were few bots who disagreed with the special ops officer.

Twostroke was responsible for almost all of the officers, but one of her first targets was Ratchet. Many times Twostroke or one of the other kittens would be found laying on top of or next to an injured mech while the mech was in the medbay. Ratchet wouldn't tolerate this and would repeatedly make the kittens leave but they would just be back in a little later (no one was sure how they got into the med bay in the first place, however). Ratchet was eventually won over by a pair of green eyes; mind you he only let them in post ops. Though it was still a mystery how the kitties got into the med bay or any where else for that matter.

Flight kitty won over every Aeiralbot within earth minutes (though to this day Slingshot won't admit it to anyone). Later, Silverbolt and Skydive told everyone that they felt like they would have been denying Fireflight himself. Air Raid also mentioned that one of the biggest reasons that the kitten reminded them of Flight was that he was very clumsy and very easy to distract, especially with shiny and/or dangly objects.

The Wreckers were also won over by Flight kitty, but Sandy kitty helped, too. The way Fireflight tells it both the kitties worked together, pestering each Wrecker till they got what they wanted, which was usually something for Flight kitty. It appeared that Sandy kitty was more like its namesake then just in coloring – anything Flight kitty wanted Sandy kitty got him. Sandstorm knew he would never hear the end of it, but tolerated all of it, if only because Fireflight absolutely adored all the kittens.

Blue kitty won over the twins. No one was there to see the victory, but when the twins stopped calling to have Blue kitty or Twostroke removed from their quarters and even started to stop to pet the kittens once in a while, it became evident that they accepted the cats. As long as Sunny's paint job didn't get scratched, that is, otherwise then the kittens made themselves very scarce.

Prowler was the one who won over its namesake by had imploring the time honored cat tradition of sitting on the material one was reading. The first time Springer caught them in the act, he snickered and said, "Well Prowl, looks like you finally found an assistant."

The tactician looked at the triple-charger and asked, "What are you talking about?"

Springer pointed at Prowler, "The cat's helping! Look, it's reading the data pad for you."

Prowl looked over at the kitten and saw that it did look like it was reading the data pad. As if sensing that it was being watched, the kitten turned and looked at the tactician. Flicking an ear, it meowed before turning back to looking at the data pad. Prowl started at the cat's behavior before looking back at the triple-changer.

"Cats can't read. So it is illogical to say it's reading."

Springer held in his laughter and replied, "I guess no one told Prowler… 'Cause it looks like it's reading. And I think it is."

Prowl narrowed his optics and said, "That is an illogical statement and you are just trying to make me fritz, aren't you?"

Springer said nothing and just smiled and waved. Before leaving the room he rubbed Prowler's head, earning him a purr in response. Prowl noticed and shook his head at the display.

"You know that will just encourage him to interrupt more and keep us from our paperwork, right?" Asked Prowl, though he was not sure why he was talking to the cat.

Prowler looked at Prowl and meowed. Not sure what to make of that, Prowl turned back to the paperwork he could get to and decided he would ask Ratchet to check his logic circuits when he was done with these reports. There was no logical reason to be talking to the cat like it could respond to him. Meanwhile, said cat was purring in victory over having won over the tactician.

Bot after bot fell to the kittens, even the paranoid Red Alert (though it had taken all of the kittens working together to do it). Smokescreen and his associates had started a betting pool on which kitten would go after which bot, how they would do it, and how long it would take.

Off to the side, Bluestreak and Fireflight watched the kittens win over the Autobots and were relived. For the longest of times they had been afraid that something would come up that would make Prime order them to get rid of the kittens. But each bot that the kittens won over was one less bot they had to worry about wanting to get rid of the kittens. But there was still a remaining fear that Optimus would want to get rid of them.

This last fear was dismissed when Optimus walked into the rec-room with Twostroke on one shoulder, Blue kitty on the other, and Flight kitty sprawled on top of his head looking absolutely ridiculous as the cat did its best to try and hang on.

It appeared that it was safe to say that the Autocats, as they had been dubbed by Jazz and Sideswipe, were now officially safely accepted in their new home.

Bluestreak and Fireflight clink their cubes of energon together in a toast, for they both knew that with the new addition of the Autobots there was going to be a lot of new adventures and challenges in store.

One of the first was going to be figuring out why Sandy kitty had a fit any time Flight kitty was out of his sight for more than a minute….

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Ok I'm going to try and be evil. I have already chosen the genders for the kittens, but it will be a surprise for the next chapter. For those who have read "Twostroke" by MariaShadow you already know Two's gender, or my own story "Mech and Cat" for Blue's gender. The rest will be a surprise. I hope… elvenarchress!! No telling!! I want it to be a surprise!! At least I hope it will be… unless I left enough clues for you to guess…

I'm working on the assumption that Transformers are genderless beings and most don't quite remember that organics have a gender….

Please read and review!!


	2. Boy vs Girl

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Transformers. Also Twostroke belongs to MariaShadow, I'm just borrowing her and the way Twostroke thinks about the Autobots (i.e. Big Ones and Friend)….. and the inspiration for this chapter belongs to elvenarchress. She's the one who thought of the different genders for the cats, and the chant the Jazz is yelling.

**_Warning there are some Cybertronian curse words in here…_**

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**Feline Escapades of the Autocats – Boys vs. Girls, Bot vs. Cat**

Yelling in the Ark was not an uncommon thing. Someone (usually Ratchet) was always yelling about something. But this time was different; Jazz was running down the halls yelling (or maybe singing off key, which was really odd for Jazz) a chant that made quite a few heads turn and even more people to do a double take when they finally figured out what he was saying.

"Prowler's in heat! Prowler's in heat!"

Prime watched as his special ops officer almost danced down the hall, singing at the top of his lungs that Prowl was in heat. Prime was even more shocked when he heard Prowl himself yelling after his fellow officer to stop saying such illogical things and that Jazz would regret it if he didn't cease this illogical display immediately.

Figuring that he wouldn't get a straight answer out of those two for a while, Prime decided that the only way to get to the bottom of this was to retrace Jazz's steps and find out where he had started his chant.

Going down the hallway that Jazz had just come from, Prime couldn't find anything that might have been the inspiration for Jazz's current method of annoying Prowl. Every bot he came across told him that they had seen Jazz coming down the hall dancing and singing loudly with Prowl close behind him, but no one knew what had started it. So on Prime went until he finally came to the med bay. Prime became suspicious when he heard laughter coming from inside. And after many vorns of experience with his crew, he made the guess that whatever had started Jazz on the current Prowl-torture-method was in there.

When the door opened, the first thing Prime saw was a laughing Wheeljack bent over a med berth. On the other side of the same berth stood was an indecisive looking Ratchet while Preceptor stood to the side, looking amused. Sitting on the berth was Prowler; the kitten was looking at the three mechs with an expression that clearly said "If you don't stop this right now, you will regret it." It took everything Prime had not to start laughing He had lost count of the number of times he had seen a very similar expression on Prowl's face, usually when Sideswipe or Jazz had been up to something they all knew that they shouldn't have been. Prime made a noise very similar to that of a human clearing his throat, drawing the attention of the three Autobots and Autocat (Sideswipe had given the kittens the name some time ago after getting tired of calling them 'Fireflight and Bluestreak's kittens').

"So, does anyone want to tell me why Jazz is dancing down the halls, singing in an off key voice that Prowl is in heat?" Asked Prime now that he had the four's attention.

Ratchet released a puff of air from his ventilation system, "Prowl is not in 'heat,' Prime, and Jazz was most likely not talking about Prowl. And as to why Jazz is doing what he is doing, it is most likely just to annoy the slag out of Prowl."

Prime gave Ratchet a shocked expression for he clearly remembered Jazz saying Prowler… oh… that's right, the black and white kitten was also called 'Prowler'. Upon remembering that fact, he looked at said kitten and wondered what 'in heat' meant. According to his sensors, the cat was not any hotter then normal, so why was Jazz running down the hall yelling that 'Prowler was in heat'? Aside from the obvious fact that it seemed to 'annoy the slag out' of the black-and-white tactician, as Ratchet put it.

When he asked Preceptor, he was told, "Oh it's really quite simple Prime. The phrase 'in heat,' when applied to organic creatures, is merely referring to the cycle of fertility that all organic creatures go though to produce offspring."

Seeing Optimus's blank look, Wheeljack clarified, "What Preceptor means to say is that when an organic creature is 'in heat' it is referring to the time period in which organic creatures send out the necessary signals from their processors to activate their systems that are needed for them to create sparklings."

It took a moment to understand what he was being told, but once he understood Prime looked back at the kitten, shocked. One thought was going though his processors, 'There were going to be more kittens?'

But before Prime could ask any more questions Preceptor, as if sensing Prime's thoughts, stated, "But we needn't worry about that for a while, Prime. Prowler and the other kittens are still too young to have kittens of their own."

"So does that means that could be a possibility of them having kittens of their own in the future?" Prime asked, the five kittens they had now caused enough trouble, they didn't need more.

"Precisely," said Preceptor, "but we figured that such a scenario would be unacceptable for I doubt that you want more kittens on base."

"You're correct Preceptor. And I'm assuming that Wheeljack, Ratchet and you have thought of a way to prevent this," said Prime, hoping that he was right.

"Yes, Prime, we do know of a way, but actually going though with it is going to be a little bit more difficult," said Wheeljack, his fins glowing a light yellow to indicate his uncertainty.

"Well?"

Wheeljack and Preceptor turned to look at each other before turning to face Ratchet. When they did, they discovered that he was staring at Prowler with a thoughtful expression. It appeared that he didn't even know what was going on. With a light nudge from Wheeljack, a started Ratchet looked around, acting as if he had only now remembered what was going on around him.

"What?" Asked Ratchet in an annoyed voice. He disliked being interrupted when he was thinking.

"Prime wants to know what we are going to do about the reproduction problem," said Wheeljack completely unfazed by the gruffness of Ratchet's voice.

"Well, the only thing I can think of to do is to take the kittens to a veterinarian and have their reproductive systems deactivated," said Ratchet, rubbing the back of his head.

"Couldn't you or one of the other scientists do it?" Asked Prime, he didn't want to bother the humans unless he really had to.

"Prime, I don't think that…." Preceptor interrupted Ratchet before he could finish his sentence.

"It is possible, Prime, but seeing as none of us here has ever operated on an organic before, it could be very risky."

At the sentence, Prowler decided to add in her two cents, meowing loudly as if voice the opinion that she would not like having giant robots messing with her insides, thank you very much.

"It appears that Prowler agrees, she must realize how bad of an idea that is," stated Ratchet glaring at Preceptor and still not quite sure how he was going to get back at the scientist for interrupting him.

Prime nodded, but then stopped mid nod… wait, she?

"Prowler is a she?" Asked a startled Prime.

"Oh did we forget to say that? Yes, Prowler is a female of the feline species of this planet. We are not sure about the other feline younglings for we have not examined them yet, but we were planning on doing that today, anyway, once Bluestreak and Fireflight return from fetching them," as soon as Preceptor finished speaking, the med bay door opened and in stumbled Fireflight carrying two kittens while Bluestreak walked in behind him carrying the remaining two kittens. Both looked a little hap-hazard, apparently herding kittens was not an easy task.

Once all four kittens were deposited on the berth, Prowler went and checked to make sure that Blue kitty was alright. She had been worried about him after being separated for so long from him. Sandy kitty then checked over Flight kitty to make sure that nothing was wrong, Sandy kitty was never too sure about the Big Ones and if they were being as careful as they should be with Flight kitty. Meanwhile Twostroke was looking at both of the kittens' Friends and the other Big Ones, silently asking why they had been moved into the Loud Angry One's territory.

Completing the scans of each kitten, Ratchet turned and reported his findings. "It appears that Twostroke and Flight kitty are also females, while Sandy kitty and Blue kitty are males."

Bluestreak and Firefight looked at Ratchet, then each other, then at the kittens, and then back at Ratchet.

"So what does that mean?" Asked Fireflight, he was pretty certain it meant something important but was unsure what, exactly.

"It means that if we do nothing, then someday we will have even more kittens on our hands," said Ratchet.

"And if we get them 'fixed,' there will be no more kittens?" Asked Prime, he really didn't want to have to worry about any more little things under his feet.

"Correct," said Wheeljack.

On the berth, all of the kittens were looking up at the Big Ones, wondering what they were talking about but also a little worried…. They all kept looking at the kittens with very serious expressions. The kittens continued to listen in and although they didn't understand half the words that were being said, all of them were feeling uncomfortable. What was a 'vet'?

As soon as the Big Ones appeared to have reached a decision, the Boxes were brought out. Picking up Prowler, they put her in her Box, hoping that she would be the most cooperative, she was. As soon as Prowler was in a Box, Blue kitty wanted to be in there with her. The only problem was that the Boxes were only made for one kitty at a time so Blue kitty had to go in another box. But to keep him happy they set the two kittens close to each other.

Meanwhile, Flight kitty watched in horror as Prowler and then Blue kitty were placed in their Boxes. Flight kitty hated the Boxes, they were too small. She could tell just by looking, they were small and she wouldn't like them. She would hate them.

And whatever Flight kitty hated, Sandy kitty hated just as much, if not more.

The two of them made a run for it, the tan kitty watching the reddish kitten's back. Fireflight tried to grab the two before they got out of the med bay, but he had his optics more on the kittens then on who might be in his way. As he moved forward to grab the kittens, he ran into Bluestreak, knocking him down. As Bluestreak fell back, Ratchet moved to stop him from hitting the ground but wasn't prepared for the sudden weight of two transformers, causing him to fall on his aft.

Seeing two of the kittens leave, Twostroke decided it was also time for her to leave and hopped off the berth, using Wheeljack and Preceptor's bodies as foot holds. When she reached the floor she was off, she really couldn't figure out why the Friends and Big Ones wanted to put her in the Boxes, there was so much exploring to do. She didn't have time to go in the Box. Plus, it didn't look very comfortable. Preceptor and Wheeljack tried to grab her before she got too far, but instead just ran their heads into each other causing them both to fall on their rears as they were both dazed from the head butt.

Prime tried to catch the kittens on the ground but they were very small and he was very big. And he really, really didn't want to hurt them. So they slipped thought his fingers and hid in the med bay. Prime was happy that they stayed in the med bay, however, because that made it easier to catch them.

Primus didn't like Prime today…

The med bay doors opened and in walked a dented and scratched Sideswipe and out went three kittens, as fast as their paws would carry them. Sides watched the kittens run out and then saw Prime come toward him and almost run him over. But, at the last moment Prime stopped himself from running into the red twin, though just barely.

"What is going on….?" Asked Sides. Having Prime almost run you over was a very unusual experience. He wanted to know why it happened.

"The kittens need to go to the vet but to get them there we need to catch them," said Ratchet, trying to untangle himself from the two mechs that were on top of him.

"Why? They're not hurt are they?" Asked Sides, he would never admit it, but he didn't want to see the kittens hurt. They meant too much to Sunny (and to himself).

"What? No, they're not hurt. We just need to catch them," said a stressed Ratchet, finally giving a hard push and getting Bluestreak and Fireflight off of him.

When Sideswipe didn't move, Ratchet turned to him and snarled "Well? Get a move on you pit spawned heathen! Get those kittens!"

Sideswipe decided that it would probably be a good idea to do what the medic said. He was sounding grouchier then usual. Running out of the med bay, Sideswipe hoped that he would be able to find the kittens. They couldn't have gotten that far, right?

Oh, how wrong the red twin was…

In the end, almost all of the Autobots had to be called in to gather the three kittens up and take them to the vet's office. Apparently, none of them wanted to get into the Boxes, but Sandy kitty proved the most difficult to catch. In the end, he was captured when he went to save Fight kitty who had been captured before him.

After that, things were a breeze. The kittens were taken to the vet, 'fixed,' and returned home with only one incident. Apparently Sandy kitty had thrown a fit when they had tried to remove him from the vet's office without Fight kitty in tow. This gave the rest of the Autobots a wonderful opportunity to tease Sandstorm about the time he had nearly taken three medics' heads off when they had tried to remove him from the med bay after Fireflight had been hurt. This was, of course, before he had even admitted to himself that he had feelings for the red jet. But that's another story.

When the kittens got back at the Ark, things went back to the way they had been before, which Prime was thankful for. It was not fun to have to track down little organic creatures and capture them when they didn't want to be captured. But looking back, there was one thing that Prime never did figure out… why was Prowler in the med bay in the first place?

Hope you liked!! Please review!! Flames are given over the the Limbo twins. And Red Alert.


	3. Accessories

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Transformers. Twostroke is owned by MariaShadow. Flight kitty is owned by elvenarchress, and Sandy kitty is owned by Flight kitty (thought we're not quite sure if she realizes this). The only kittens I own are Blue kitty and Prowler, well as much as you can own a cat.

Did I forget anyone? If I did I'm sorry...

Oh and a big thanks to Lament of Meow for Beta reading this for me!! Believe me if not for her, this thing would be full of mistakes.

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**Feline Escapades of the Autocats – Accessories**

After about a month in the Ark, it became apparent that having small organics that could be at times hard to see was going to be increasingly problematic. One of the major problems was that the kittens, like any good feline, liked to be underfoot. Because of that, not only was there a danger of someone stepping on them, but when a fight would start, many bots would forget to watch for the kittens and that would put the kittens in danger.

After one particularly bad fight were Flight kitty was nearly squished by Sideswipe (and Sandy kitty had attacked the red twin in rage for endangering Flight kitty) it became apparent that there needed to be some way of being able to constantly locate the kittens when ever needed.

Optimus Prime, Ratchet, Prowl, Bluestreak, and Fireflight were therefore all standing in Wheeljack's lab after the engineer had called them all down to his lab saying that he had created the solution to the problem. As Prime looked at said solution he realized that he had no idea what it was. In between Prime's thumb and first finger was a small, circular thing. It was made of a flexible material that appeared to be very sturdy. Prime looked at Wheeljack and asked in puzzled voice, "What is it?"

"It is a locater beacon," said Wheeljack, it was easy to hear the pride in his voice. He seemed to be very proud of small circular thing.

"We know that, but why is it shaped like this?" Growled out Ratchet, he was holding another of the supposed locater beacons.

"Huh…?" From the puzzled sound of Wheeljack's voice and the greenish-white coloring of his fins, everyone knew that Wheeljack had no idea what the problem was.

"Why is it in a circular shape?" clarified Prowl.

"Oh! That … I shaped them to look like the pet collars that humans are known to put on their animals," said Wheeljack, his fins glowing with pride, "I figured it would be good to have something that wouldn't stand out. That and it would solve the other problem that Bluestreak and Fireflight have been worried about."

Ratchet turned and looked at Wheeljack, "Problem?"

"Remember a week or so ago, when Blue kitty and Flight kitty went missing and no one could find them?" Asked Wheeljack. Seeing the nod of acknowledgement from Ratchet, he then continued, "Well, I not only fashioned the locator beacons into collars, but on each collar I also added a tag. This tag will let any humans know who the kittens belong to and how to contact us should they find the kittens. That way if the kittens do get lost and actually reach a city the humans will know to contact us."

Ratchet nodded his head in agreement and looked at the collar again. It was then that he noticed that each of them had a small golden colored piece of metal on them. On one side of the tag was the name of the kitten the collar belonged to and a series of numbers that Ratchet assumed was a communication line that the humans could use to contact the Autobots on while the other side had the Autobot insignia on it. Ratchet hoped that this metal piece – a tag – would work, he didn't want a repeat of the Kitten Disappearing episode. During that event, Bluestreak and Fireflight had both had panic attacks that would have even rivaled Red Alert's. And Sandy kitty hadn't been much better, he nearly had a fit when he couldn't find Flight kitty anywhere. But eventually they had found the two kittens about 15 miles from the Ark on the side of a road near a meadow. How they had gotten there, no one was sure. All anyone knew was that the other kittens, Bluestreak, and Fireflight had been very protective (clingy) of the wandering kittens for a while after they got them back. Ratchet hoped the tags would give some piece of mind to everyone and reassure them that the kittens would be returned home should they ever wander off again.

While the other bots finished discussions about the collars and tags, Bluestreak and Fireflight were putting the collars they had on the assembled kittens. Each kitten was given a different colored one to make them look good and a few of them were given little extra accessories to wear.

Flight kitty's collar was the same shade of blue as her eyes while her tag was in the shape of a jet. She also wore a ribbon of the same collar that had been given to her by Sandy kitty and Firefight thought it was so cute that he tied it around her neck so that the bow sat on the back of her neck. When Sandy kitty saw this, some of the mechs joked that his purrs of pleasure could be heard all throughout the Ark.

Blue kitty's collar was red and his tag was in the shape of a Datsun. He also had his favorite bell attached to a ring that was put on his tail. Once it was attached, he sat there and moved his tail back and forth so that he could hear the bell ring. Blue kitty's purrs of joy made Bluestreak and Fireflight smile; they were both very happy that Blue kitty was happy.

Twostroke got a green collar that matched her eyes, while her tag was in the shape of the engine that she was named for. Jazz was the one who thought of that, and no one heard Two complaining. And while she wore no accessories, she didn't seem to mind this, either.

Sandy kitty had a tan collar, and his tag was in the shape of the Wrecker's insignia. He hated the collar. The instant it was on, he was already trying to take it off. But luckily it was on tight enough to prevent him from being able to remove it, much to his displeasure. When the Autobot's noticed this, they nevertheless began to worry that he would get it off eventually, but that fear was short lived. The minute that Flight kitty saw the collar on Sandy kitty she went up and rubbed against his neck, purring. And then, all at once, he stopped trying to get the collar off. It seemed that as long as Flight kitty liked something, Sandy kitty would put up with it.

The last kitty was Prowler. Her collar was black and her tag was the outline of the Autobot insignia. What no one knew, however, was that along with her tag she was also presented with a small device that would allow her to read classified material and to enter areas that were off limits to almost everyone but the officers and, amazingly, the kittens (they had yet to find a way in to the area). Prowl knew that his namesake would never abuse such a privilege, and he knew it would also be a good way to keep her from sneaking into any places as the device would log when she went in and when she left. Which, in the long run, seemed to be safer for everyone involved, one never knew when a kitten would be in an area that could be harmful to organics. Prowl also knew that it was better to be safe then sorry.

Once the collars were distributed, the Autobots found everything to be much nicer, and safer, with being able to find the kittens all the time. And Fireflight and Bluestreak were relieved when the mechs could easily track the kittens down during fights overall making the kittens much safer.

Red Alert was also relieved that he would finally be able to keep all the organic creatures under surveillance. It had been driving him insane to try and track the tiny things with his cameras alone.

Please read and review... but don't flame... I don't have time for flames.

Hope you enjoyed the story!!


	4. Presents

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. Twostrokes is owned by MariaShadow. Flight kitty is owned by elvenarchress, and Sandy kitty is owned by Flight kitty (thought we're not quite sure if she realizes this). The only cats I own are Blue kitty and Prowler, well I own them as much as you can own a cat. Also the mentioned scene with Ratchet and his present belongs to MariaShadow.

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**Feline Escapades of the Autocats – Presents**

Cats are by nature hunters, they are predators. Just because the cat has been domesticated doesn't mean that they have lost their hunter's instinct. Many cats have not and will bring presents to their owners or those they like; this was true even for the Autocats. As the kittens got older they started to practice their hunting skills and, while some were more successful then others all, at one time or another, gave their catch to an Autobot of their choice. But that's not to say that they didn't have their favorites.

Twostroke loved to give presents to Bluestreak, Ratchet, Prime and the Twins. Sunny was always the loudest about finding such disgusting squishy messes, and some wondered if she liked to give Sunny presents simply to hear him complain. And no one would could forget the time when Ratchet had freaked out at having the snake in his med bay courtesy of Two.

Blue kitty also liked to give to Bluestreak and the Twins, but also to Prowl. Mind you, Blue kitty wasn't very good at hunting. It wasn't that he couldn't pounce or sneak up to his target, it was just that at the last moment he would have a klutzy moment and the target-pray would get away from him. Therefore most of his presents tended to be pretty shiny things that he would find around the area. Bluestreak would often make these into wind chimes that Blue kitty and Flight kitty loved to play with or simply to just watch.

Flight kitty liked to give presents to the Aerialbots, Skyfire, and the Wreckers but, like Blue kitty, she wasn't a very good hunter so she gave a lot of shiny things, they seemed to be the only things that she didn't get distracted by when she caught them. If they were big enough, Air Raid or Sky Dive would tie a piece of string around them and would happily play with her.

Prowler, who was a very good hunter but only hunted when she really wanted to, usually gave presents to Prowl, Jazz, and once in a very long while Springer. Jazz would always embarrass the poor cat and pick her up and cuddle her every time she brought him a present, which meant that she didn't usually bring him presents. It was unnecessary to do such an undignified action. Especially when she was reading.

But there was one cat who was different; Sandy kitty didn't give any presents to any Autobots… only to one Autocat. Sandy kitty would go out hunting almost daily and when he came back he would always have something for Fight kitty. Sometimes it was a bird or a mouse, and other times it was a shiny and/or dangly thing for her to play with or wear (she had gotten in the habit of wearing ribbons and Fireflight loved to change them to suit the day). None of the Autobots thought it strange, not when they thought about Sandstorm and all the presents he gave Fireflight. Why shouldn't his cat-namesake do the same thing for his Flight kitty?

Of course, as there usually is, there was one exception. Only one time had Sandy kitty ever brought anything to an Autobot, to Sandstorm to be exact. It had been several days after Sandstorm had rescued Fight kitty, who had been trapped during a Decepticon attack. Sandstorm had been sitting at a table with Fireflight and Fight kitty, showing off pictures from the world that the Wreckers had just gotten back from when Sandy kitty came out of nowhere carrying two mice. Going first to Fight kitty, he deposited the fatter of the two mice and then, to everyone's surprise, he calmly walked over and gave Sandstorm the other one. The Wrecker had said nothing, just nodded his head and picked the mouse up and put it in his subspace. Sandy kitty had returned the nod and had then gone back to Flight kitty's side to curl up next to her. Sandstorm had gone right back to showing off the pictures as if nothing usual happened. Firefight had giggled at the exchange, but also didn't say anything. There was nothing to say.

Please review!


	5. Getting around

Inspired by the MariaShadow's Twostrokes!! Read her fic it is really cute!! And written with help and inspiration from elevnarchress, give thanks to her… cause without her there would be no squeal! Or title….

By the way, this is loosely based on Vaeru's format from "On the Care and Feeding of humans", so give her a round of applause.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Transformers. Twostroke is owned by MariaShadow. Flight kitty is owned by elvenarchress, and Sandy kitty is owned by Flight kitty (thought we're not quite sure if she realizes this). The only kittens I own are Blue kitty and Prowler, well as much as you can own a cat.

If I forgot anyone, I'm sorry.

Oh and a big thanks to Lament of Meow for Beta reading this for me!! Believe me if not for her, this thing would be full of mistakes.

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**Feline Escapades of the Autocats – Getting Around**

After about eight months at the Ark, there were many things that had been learned about each of the kittens as they grew into cats and about all the cats in general.

First, Twostroke loved to get into things, and loved to be in the center of whatever was happening, even when she wasn't the center of attention.

Second, it was a bad idea to mess with Flight kitty if you liked your paint job. Messing with her usually ended with Sandy kitty scratching your paint job off, and that cat had a long memory – and very sharp claws.

Third, another bad idea was to interrupt Prowler when she is reading. No matter whether you thought she was just sitting on the data pad because it was there or reading it, don't touch it. She could get very snappish about it, and she was scary when she was snappish.

Four, Blue kitty was not always the most coordinated of cats… alright, at times he was a downright klutz. But you never, ever mentioned that near Bluestreak or the twins. That would lead you to having your face plate punched out or a pair of tearful blue optics turned on you, depending on who heard you.

Five, Blue kitty was very noisy. If not purring, meowing, or making sound some other way, he would get very distressed. Which might explain why he loved to hang out with Bluestreak, Jazz, and Blaster, there was noise to spare with those three.

Six, if you pet one cat, you're going to have to pet them all. Many swore that if you pet one, they would all know, even if they weren't in the same room. And having cats pissed at you is not fun.

Seven, shiny things or dangling things near Fight kitty will be played with, so if they are fragile and you don't want them broken or to suddenly turn up missing, keep them as far away as possible from her. Cause if she wants it, Sandy kitty will get it for her. Or once in awhile Sandstorm would even get it for her, it seemed he couldn't resist her any more then he could Fireflight.

Eight, never forget to feed the Autocats. Yes, they could hunt for themselves. But they still wanted their supper in their dishes and so help you if there was no food in their dishes when they were hungry.

Nine, cleaning the litter box regularly is very important. Leaving it too long would result in kittens not going in the litter box because it didn't smell good. After the first time this happened, the officers made sure that the litter boxes would always be clean – and it seemed to be one of the best punishments any of them had at their disposal.

The list went on and on. Each time something new was learned it was added on to the list. But there was one thing about the kittens that no one could figure out, no matter how many cat books they read.

How were the cats getting around the base? They were either too small or too light to trigger the automated doors, so how did they get into everyone's rooms? Or the medbay? Or anywhere else for that matter.

At first no one really questioned it because there were other problems to worry about. But once the chance presented itself, many did begin to wonder and even start to investigate the matter.

It was easily determined that one of the main ways of getting around was catching rides on mech's shoulders, hands, or even sometimes on their heads. The cats were also known to walk and slip in doors when they were open, but that still didn't explain how they got around and into other places that many tried (and usually failed) to keep them out of.

But the mystery didn't last forever. Eventually Bluestreak and Fireflight figured it out, or more precisely, they just happened to be in the right place at the right time. While walking down the hallway they heard a noise and after a few moments of listening and following the sound, they stumbled across Prowler, Sandy kitty, and Twostroke coming out of an opening in the wall.

"The ventilation systems… that's how they've been getting around," said Bluestreak happily. He couldn't wait to tell everyone!

"Ventilation system? Hmmm…. Well I suppose it would be a great way to get around and there are few places that it doesn't go," replied Fireflight as he watched the kittens turn the corner. The gunner and Aerialbot smiled to each other and then went off to tell the others.

On the way, Bluestreak noticed Fireflight's confused expression.

"What's wrong?" asked Bluestreak.

"If Cybertronians don't breath, why do we need ventilation systems?" asked Fireflight.

Bluestreak stood there for a moment and thought. And in the end he couldn't come up with an answer as to why there was a ventilation system in the ship.

The Autocats, on the other hand, never questioned why there was or was not a ventilation system. All they knew it as was the Pathway. What else were they going to call the openings that allowed them access to almost the entire Ark? Even if they weren't supposed to be there.

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Sorry this is so short and than I took so long to write this. Please review.


	6. Christmas special

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. Twostrokes is owned by MariaShadow (an author on ). Flight kitty is owned by elvenarchress (another author on ), and Sandy kitty is owned by Flight kitty (thought we're not quite sure if she realizes this). The only kittens I own are Blue kitty and Prowler, well as much as you can own a cat.

Beta read by Lament of Meow.

A/N: By the way I'm sorry for this being late. The holiday mess that was going on (which includes family being… well, family and though I love them at times… they are just way too much to deal with. But I didn't get this story done until after Christmas and it is better late then never.

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**Feline Escapades of the Autocats – Christmas Special**

Christmas was a time for celebrating family and friends. It was a time to have parties and sit down with your friends and for the Autobots to celebrate their favorite human holiday so far. (They also celebrated Hanukah (Chanukah) just to experience everything of Earth and caused more then one of the Autobots to develop a great love of playing dreidel… and winning).

So throughout the base they had decorated with holly, mistletoe (with hidden cameras nearby), garland, and of course, a Christmas tree. The Christmas tree stood near the middle of the rec room, covered in ornaments (made by Wheeljack mostly, and a few other Autobots), ribbons, and lights (made by Wheeljack and checked for faults by Red Alert and Ratchet). Round the bottom were presents of different sizes and various shapes wrapped in many different colors of wrapping paper. How any of them got enough wrapping paper to cover their presents was something that would remain a mystery. Red Alert just wished they hadn't… it took a lot of time to scan each and every present at least three times a day to make sure they weren't bombs or Decepticon traps.

Many just accepted it as Red Alert being Red Alert and went back to admiring the tree. But the longer they looked at the tree the more they noticed that some of the branches were moving. Did they bring a squirrel in by accident? Or maybe more then one? Hound was quickly elected to go and investigate the tree and he approached as quietly as he could, hoping he didn't frighten whatever was in there. Everyone was more then a little surprised when Hound laughed.

"Well, it's not a squirrel," said Hound.

"So… what is it?" asked Bumblebee.

Hound smiled and pointed at the tree. The Autobots looked at the tree and saw Twostroke poke her head out and meow at them with what appeared to be like a small smile on her face. That brought a laugh to everyone, especially when all the rest of the kittens poked their heads out one at a time shortly after Twostroke at different points in the tree.

"Well I guess now the tree is finished! It has the last of the ornaments," said Windbreaker.

"That or the Autocats have found a new scratching/climbing post," said Huffer.

Prowler meowed at that, jumping down from the branch she had just been on and gracefully landing on a present below. Several Autobots tensed, wanting to go to her and catch her before she hit the present, but the cats had worked weeks with the Autobots to train them not to catch the kittens when they were jumping off of things. The Autocats wanted to land on the floor, not be caught. Unless they were jumping into someone's hand, then they wanted to be caught.

Prowler looked around the room and quickly decided that not only did she not like all these feet on the ground, but she didn't like all the activity that was around her, either. Looking around quickly, she spotted Prowl walking back and quickly made her way to him. Agilely making her way up his body and to his shoulder where she made herself at home for most of the rest of the holiday season. Prowl didn't seem to mind too much, except when Jazz decided that there was nothing else to tease him about and teased him about that constantly.

On the other hand, Flight kitty and Blue kitty couldn't seem to get enough of this holiday. Where Flight kitty happily played and collected the ornaments from the tree, Bluestreak went after the bells that had been hung all over the place. Both of them were getting themselves into interesting messes and both of them needed constant rescue by either Sandy kitty or Twostroke, though Flight kitty was less likely to get herself into a mess what with Sandy kitty constantly stealing ornaments for her to play with.

Flight kitty and Blue kitty were especially happy when Christmas day came and they were in kitty heaven. There was stuff to play under, over, bounce on, and wrap oneself up with. Ribbons were a particular favorite for that. Many bots got a laugh out of watching Twostroke and Blue kitty each dragging away a ribbon, as it seemed they were both quite fond of their colors. Meanwhile Flight kitty just went after any piece of wrapping paper that was shiny, which happen to be almost all of it.

A moment of the kitten's first Christmas would be Sandy kitty getting a kiss from Fireflight after they had both been caught under the mistletoe. Many were too busy watching that moment that they many didn't see Sandstorm getting a lick on his cheek from Flight kitty.

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Hope you enjoyed this story and you holidays. Please read and review.


	7. Weird Noises and grossness and Jazz

Ok… some people wanted to know why Prowler was in the med bay in the first place in chapter 2 and here is the answer.

A/N: It is my own opinion that Transformers don't have a real gender like we humans do (or other organic mammals) so the concept of male and female (along with the pronouns "he" and "she") are just something they use to make us humans understand them a little better. And after hanging out with us for so long they have continued to use them and even adopted them into their own thinking… to a point.

Also info about hairballs found at http://www. catsofaustralia . com/ hairballs-cats . htm and Ratchet's definition of a hairball is found at Wikipedia.

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. Twostrokes is owned by MariaShadow (an author on fanfiction. net). Flight kitty is owned by elvenarchress (another author on fanfiction. net), and Sandy kitty is owned by Flight kitty (thought we're not quite sure if she realizes this). The only kittens I own are Blue kitty and Prowler, well as much as you can own a cat.

Beta read by Lament of Meow. And thanks to ToaVeka who badgers me into remember to write and helped me find all my muses and plot bunnies (Or kitties in this case).

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**Feline Escapades of the Autocats – Weird noises (which lead to grossness and Jazz finding something new to tease Prowl about)**

Prowl enjoyed those moments when no one bothered him and everything in the Autobot base was quiet (well, as quiet as things ever got with as many pranksters and rambunctious bots with far too much energy that lived on the Ark). In these moments Prowl could sit, relax, and catch up on paper work or read a book. Recently Prowl had a companion in these moments (as well as many others). Its name was Prowler, a small black and white kitten taken in by Bluestreak and Fireflight. And while the other kittens seemed to be taken with the gunner and flyer, Prowler seemed to have taken a shine to its namesake, Prowl. Prowler would sit herself on top of one of Prowl's datapads and stare at it as if reading it. Prowl found this illogical, how could an Earth feline read Cybertronian? But Prowl allowed Prowler to say, mostly for the fact that no attempt at making the kitten leave was successful and in the end it was far more productive to just let the kitten be as long as it didn't get in the way.

It was during one such occasion, when Prowler and Prowl were enjoying a moment of peace, when Prowler started to cough and hack.

Prowl looked over at his furred companion, "Why are you making that sound?" And as soon as the question was made, Prowl realized that was very illogical of him, to ask a feline that did not speak any language that Prowl spoke what was wrong with it. Also for the fact that the hacking sound seemed to make it impossible to hear any other noise. Prowl was unsure as to what to do while he waited for the hacking to stop and attempted to figure out what to do (and at this moment realized that he know almost nothing about how to take care of cats) when a pile of hair came out of Prowler's mouth and landed on the datapad it had been sitting on. Prowl wasn't sure how to take care of a cat, but he knew that, like Transformers, things coming out of the mouth that were not words was not a good thing. And if something happened to one of the kittens Bluestreak, and Fireflight, would be sad, and those two sad was bad for a certain strategist's spark. And if there was a problem it needed to be fixed.

But here the problem presents itself: who do you take a sick cat to? Hound was the obvious first choice; he was the Autobot with the most experience concerning Earth animals, but Hound was on a mission and it was improper to call him in the middle of a mission for a coughing Earth feline (unless this was an emergency, but Prowl was unsure if this classified as an emergency or if this was normal feline behavior, a very gross feline behavior). That left Ratchet, who while not having as much interaction with felines, did know quite a bit about human physiology and to Prowl that was good enough for the situation. Maybe enough to be able to take care of the young feline until Hound returned and could instruct them in the proper procedure for taking care of the feline. That and he was running out of Autobots that could be helpful, the humans that usually helped them not being on the base and unreachable.

Having made a plan of action (less than two seconds after Prowler finished coughing up the furry thing) Prowl picked up the datapad the kitten was sitting on and proceeded to carry her, what she spit up, and the datapad she spit it up on to the medbay so that Ratchet would examine the kitten. On the way to the medbay, Prowl made a note that he should locate any material he could find on the care and feeding of Earth domesticated felines. Something he should have done sooner, a mistake that needed to be rectified sooner rather than later.

Upon reaching the medbay, Ratchet looked up to see the second-in-command of the Autobots walking into the medbay (voluntarily) and carrying a datapad with one of the kittens sitting on top of it looking petrified. Ratchet knew his nice, peaceful day just went out the window.

Ratchet sighed and looked the strategist over, "Alright, what's wrong?"

Prowl set the datapad on a medical berth, "Something is wrong with the feline."

Ratchet stood there for a moment and then slowly looked from Prowl to Prowler and then back again, "Excuse me?"

Prowl sighed and wondered if Ratchet was having hearing problems, "I said that something is-"

Ratchet growled, interrupting, "I heard ya. Don't need to repeat yourself," and before Prowl could point out whatever he was going to point out, Ratchet said, "I'm a medic for Transformers, not for cats. What do you want me to do?"

Prowl calmly replied, "Make sure that the feline survives until Hound returns to inform us what is wrong with it."

The CMO stared at Prowl for a moment, not sure what to make of that statement, "Survives?" He looked over at the kitten who was doing a damn good impression of a glare at Prowl, probably demanding to know why she had been transported in such a manner, "She looks fine to me."

Prowl looked at Ratchet in disbelieve, "She was coughing and hacking and ejecting material from its mouth, how can that be fine?"

Ratchet raised his optic ridges (something he'd learn from the humans) and looked at the feline and only then noticed that pile of wet fur in front of it, "Ah."

Prowl stared at the medic, "'Ah'? Is it alright? Is there something you can do for it?"

Ratchet shook his head and replied, "No, there is nothing I can do," Prowl felt his spark freezing over as he imagined the look on Bluestreak's face when he found out, almost missing Ratchet going on to say, "except clean up the hairball."

Prowl looked at the medic in confusion, "Hairball?"

Ratchet nodded, "Hairball – it is a small collection of hair or fur formed in the stomach of animals that is occasionally vomited up when it becomes too big. Hairballs are primarily a tight elongated cylinder of packed fur, but may include bits of other elements such as swallowed food. Cats are especially prone to hairball formation since they groom themselves by licking their fur, and thereby ingest it."

Prowl didn't say anything, just staring at the feline in disbelief.

Jazz said, "That's gross…" having walked into the medbay wanting to figure out why his favorite bot to torment would be going into the medbay willingly only to walk in on the definition of a hairball.

Ratchet shrugged, "It's normal. And will happen occasionally, but if it happens too often then there might be a problem that will have to be dealt with."

Prowl sighed and covered his optics with his hand and once again reminded himself to get some material on the care and feeding of Earth the domesticated feline. His processor couldn't take anymore of this.

Prowl looked at the kitten, "So how do we proceed? Does it need anything?"

Ratchet was rubbing the top of Prowler's head, "She."

Prowl once more found himself staring at the medic, "Excuse me?"

Ratchet said, this time a little slower, "Prowler is a she."

Jazz, in a soft tone, asked "Prowler is a she?"

Ratchet nodded, a small part of his processor realizing that the tone of voice Jazz had used could only mean trouble, but the rest of his mind was too preoccupied by the confused look on Prowl's face. Deciding to enlighten the bot, Ratchet explained, "Prowler is an organic, they have more defined genders then we Transformers do. In this particular case, this kitten is a she. I don't know what the others are as I've not had a chance to examine them closely yet."

Prowl looked at the CMO in disbelief and opened his mouth to say something when Ratchet cut him off, "I know this because I've been studying humans which led to into the studying of the differences between males and females. It's quite interesting."

Prowl decided he had enough information and nodded his understanding, hoping the medic would not go further into detail (he didn't), while Jazz had been standing there saying nothing the entire time. When Prowl realized this, he knew there was going to be trouble and was proven right when the special ops officer laughed and said "Prowler is a girl!" and then ran out of the medbay repeating that phrase over and over very loudly for all to hear. Prowl stared after his fellow officer, wondering what Jazz thought he was doing, and then realized he should probably try to stop the bot and went after him.

Ratchet watched Jazz take off with Prowl right behind him and shook his head (later he would laugh when he found out that after yelling "Prowler is a girl" for several minutes Jazz had proceed to yell "Prowler's in heat" which seemed to get an even bigger reaction out of the strategist then the first comment did). Looking down at Prowler who was staring after them with disbelief on her young feline face, Ratchet chuckled "Get use to it, this is normal." The medic chuckled when the kitten looked up at him almost in horror. Oh how much these kittens had to learn. And with that thought the CMO called Wheeljack and Preceptor, he'd need their help and he wanted to be there to see their faces when they heard this latest story of the madness of the Autobot base.

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Hope you enjoyed, please read and reviewed.


	8. Litter Boxes

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. Twostrokes is owned by MariaShadow (an author on fanfiction. net). Flight kitty is owned by elvenarchress (another author on fanfiction. net), and Sandy kitty is owned by Flight kitty (thought we're not quite sure if she realizes this). The only kittens I own are Blue kitty and Prowler, well as much as you can own a cat.

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**Autocats chapter 7**

Prowl had to admit that he expected the cats that Fireflight and Bluestreak brought in to be more trouble than they were, but he surprisingly found they weren't as much trouble as he thought they would be. They didn't disrupt the flow of things and seemed in fact to brighten everyone's spirits which happily kept moral up. They also helped with punishment. Taking care of cats meant not only feeding them, playing with them, and not stepping on them; it also meant someone had to clean the litter boxes. Yes litter _boxes_. With five cats, on a ship the size of the Ark, the cats could take a while getting from one end of the Ark to the other, or finding a room with a litter box. To solve this problem the Autobots puts five litter boxes in the areas where the Autocats were most likely to frequent. One litter box was in Bluestreak's room, one was in the Aerial Commons room, one was in a storage room near the Rec Room, and the last one was in another storage room that was in the center of the Ark, which happened to be the one closest to Prowl's office.

Sideswipe decided that yes he liked pranks, but he would avoid doing pranks when it was time to clean the litter boxes. They were not only stinky and hard to clean, but having the cats watch you while you clean them, staring at you with their eyes full of amusement... was just annoying. And offending them could get him in more trouble than it was worth.

Another thing that had to be cleaned up was hair balls. Usually hair balls were left in front of quarters so that the bot who lived there would step in it (at least now they were, when the Autocats were Autokittens they weren't as good at it). But that only happened when the cats were annoyed with you. An annoyed cat was very vengeful as Cliffjumper, Sunstreaker, Grapple, Brawn, and several other Autobots found out. It became usual for at least once a week to wake up hearing someone swearing as they hopped around on one foot shaking the other trying to remove the disgusting organic mess that was on the bottom of their foot. Smokescreen had quite a betting pool going around that involved that. And there was a point system involved in it. The Autocat who left the hairball (it was always easy to tell for that particular cat was more smug then usual) got points for who you left the hairball for, how often, how many swears were said, how bad/creative the swear word was, and how long it took the bot to clean their foot afterwards. So far, to no one's surprise, Sandy kitty was in the lead, but Twostroke wasn't too far behind him, and Flight kitty and Blue Kitty were tied for last place.

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Please review! (but please don't blame me, you're just wasting your time, but if you wish to give me pointers to help me improve my writing in a respectful manner, then go right ahead. I love pointers!)


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